As I walked into the chapel the person conducting our service asked if I would mind giving the closing prayer and of course I said I would love to.
The usual handshakes and smiles were made and I found my seat and, finally, sat down to breath, after what seemed to have been a long weekend that still had another day to go.
My bench-mate looked over, smiled at me and then made the mistake of asking how I was. Without even thinking twice about it I unloaded on this poor, sweet, unsuspecting soul.
"Oh, it's been just great. I woke up yesterday morning to hurry here for the Scout fundraiser. 7 am I was supposed to be here. As I was leaving the house I went to get some ice for a drink and noticed I had a few pieces of ice sitting in a HUGE puddle of water in my ice maker. So I open the fridge and my milk is room temperature at best. I was out of the house all day Thursday and Friday so who knows how long it's been out! So here's me, the Englishman and my son, at 7 in the morning, trying to salvage what little food is still good. But I had to leave to get to the fundraiser so me and the boy leave while the Englishman stays behind. He calls me a little later FREAKING OUT telling me we just need to buy a new fridge and he's already looked on home depot's website and we can get one for $400. Are you kidding me? We have a $3000 refrigerator and he wants to just go out and buy a new one? Where are we gonna get $400? Seriously!?! So here I am, at the fundraiser, trying to put out the fire that is my fridge problem. I call my sister because, miraculously, she has an "extra" one laying around. So I make arrangements to borrow that one until we can get someone to come out and look at ours. Englishman is not happy about it because he just wants to throw $400 at a new one because 'the one I bought is a piece of crap and now he's gonna make it right by just getting a new one'. 'Ours isn't worth saving' the Englishman says but I try and tell him, you've got to be kidding me. What if it only takes $400 to fix ours? Is it better to buy a cheap no-nothing $400 refrigerator than to fix our $3000 one? So now me and the Englishman are fighting because he does NOT handle a crises well AT ALL! He calls me to tell me he went to the store and got ice and put the important stuff in a cooler. So I asked, what happened to the rest of it? Oh, we can just deal with it later he says. Oh, you mean I can just deal with it later. Gotcha, Thank You! Meantime, my sister and brother in law arrive at the fundraiser and BIL is trying to get a hold of the guy that fixed his appliances when they went caput and, wouldn't you know it, he's off for the weekend? I mean, seriously, who do these people think they are trying to take off a holiday weekend? Don't they know I need them? So finally the guy responds and says he can be here on Monday. Monday! The holiday! So, he can't be there on Saturday but can be there on a holiday. I mean, I had plans for Monday and they didn't involve a repair man! Unless the Englishman wanted to do a little roll play but that's a story for another day. Englishman gets to the fundraiser and I tell him the good news that he gets to sit his accented little behind at home on Memorial Day, since he isn't American and I'm sure the holiday means nothing to him anyway, and wait for Repair Man. I tried to enjoy the fundraiser but knowing how not cold my milk was I had visions of rotting food and a smelly house so I left early and rushed home to get the mess cleaned up. And what a mess it was! I cleaned out the fridge and even scrubbed it down just to make sure it wouldn't stink. Once that was done I was finally able to call around looking for a truck to get my sister's extra fridge to my house. No such luck! I was on the phone with a friend, who has a truck but was no where near home in order for us to use it, when the Englishman got home. As usual with him he brought home a ton of leftovers. He put them in the kitchen and went to change. While he was in the back I started to smell burning. I asked my friend if I could call her back and I don't even remember hanging the phone up. I went to the kitchen to find a cardboard box ON FIRE on my stove. Somehow when the Englishman put the leftovers on the stove, because the rest of the countertop was covered with crap from the fridge, he turned the burner on and now he was trying to set the house on fire. I know he wanted to just get a new fridge and he will go to great lengths to get his way, but burning down the whole house seems a little extreme. So I start screaming for him and he finally got annoyed enough of listening to my screaming that he came to see what the heck was going on and saw the fire. Luckily for him I had a sink full of water from scrubbing the fridge so he threw the cardboard box in there. There was black pieces of cardboard all over my house. Luckily for us the campfire smell has gotten rid of the rotten food smell but my house stinks so much. SMELL ME NOW! I still smell like fire!"
This poor man just looked at me, eyes wide, not knowing what to say next because what started out as a simple exchange of pleasantries turned into more than he could ever imagine.
Seeing the horror in his eyes, I smiled an uncomfortable smile and just sat back in my pew. He was speechless but that is the chance you take when asking how someone's weekend was going!
PS - Church was awesome as usual - Major Props to the Young Men. They had a really great program. They inspire me!!
